Isolation Versus Relationship

4/15/09

Erik Erikson had this idea that we go through a lot of different developmental stages. One stage happens when we grapple with whether or not to live life independently or within relationship with another.

In my adult life, I have lived as a perpetually single gal with smatterings of minor relationships that don’t last very long and are not healthy enough to make it past the first stages of dating.

A year ago, I wouldn’t have felt qualified to say what couples in romantic relationships do. Thanks to a man I met at church, I can say now I’ve had a taste of it.

For ten months, we had a wonderful, joyful time together. Not every day was perfect by any means, but I see what it is like to have someone in my life. I know what it means to compromise in a healthy way; I have learned how relationships can change a person, make them grow. I know the joy of saying one day after another “yes again” to the choice of entering back into a relationship. Every day, I gave it as much of my heart and soul as I possibly could and for that I have no regrets.

This was a gift-something I had wanted for a long time-just to know what being in a healthier relationship feels like. I know now that all those other less healthy relationships I’ve been through do not mean there is something fundamentally broken about me. I can say that I haven’t been very lucky in love, but I do know how to love and be loved. For this, I feel great appreciation for him, the former boyfriend.

Through all of these ups and downs, I have learned to take care of myself and how to be in relationship with the whole wide world. As a single person, I still have choices to make everyday about how I want to love and be loved, but they are different from the choices couples in romantic relationships need to make.

I hope someday I will have the chance again to be in a healthy romantic relationship. But, in the meantime, I know now that my path as a single person comes with just as many lessons and growth opportunities. I am trying to embrace the gifts that my life has to offer me-without putting stipulations on what it has to look like and without judging myself for being different.